


180 Hours

by Fun2beme1



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fun2beme1/pseuds/Fun2beme1
Summary: Levi is ordered to undergo court ordered therapy. It's not what he expected at all.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Original Character
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11





	1. The Doc and Levi

**Author's Note:**

> William Battie's 'A Treatise on Madness' 1758, is considered the first volume on modern psychology. Psychology wasn't officially recognized as a science however, until 1879. Attack on Titan takes place in between this time, and the psychological practices of the time were still rather barbaric in comparison to now. It's because of this fact that I'm tweaking the narrative and giving Levi a progressive, more modern therapist. Fight me!
> 
> I've stated in other stories I write, that I don't agree with the bad rep Levi gets in fanfictions. Somehow people take a quiet, withdrawn man who is blunt bordering on rudeness and turn him into an aggressive asshole who will beat your ass, tell you he loves you and of course he's just the perfect man for the OC. She's sooo in love with him. Why?
> 
> I'm not judging the writers of these stories, not at all. What I'm curious about is what in his nature gives everyone the idea that he has to be so over the top? Other than beating Eren in the courthouse (this was explained as necessary) and fucking up Jean and Eren's shit in the mess hall, you never see him treating a comrade in such a way.
> 
> Of the fact that he has psychological issues, you can be certain. Furthermore, a lot of the diagnosis for Levi DO have violent tendencies. However, that does not mean that a person will have that symptom. This has been proven to be false, especially with the help of therapy to guide an individual. Not everyone who suffers from a mental illness exhibits the same symptoms. It varies from person to person, and the situation that led to the issue.
> 
> In this story, Levi is ordered to undergo court ordered therapy. I don't go into it in the story, but he caught a male cadet assaulting a female cadet and lost his shit on the kid. The parents complained, and here we are. For the record, I would have done the same thing.
> 
> This is part story, and part psych eval that I had done as a project involving the wonderful Captain for Psych class this past year. If you're not interested in all that, feel free to skip the Doctor's Notes!

Now:

You clicked almost immediately. This came as a huge surprise to him, as he typically is very slow to form bonds with others and often times this doesn't happen at all. It's your mannerisms that appeal to him the most. You're sarcastic, bold, funny and importantly you don't put up with his shit. You've also got a subtlety that he lacks and comes in handy frequently.

He's not blind either. To him you're gorgeous. Your h/l silky h/c hair (he's touched it before, putting on a playful but disinterested air...he doesn't want you picking up on his attraction) the tired e/c eyes that seem to stare right into his soul (you have issues with sleep too), your lips look so soft and sweet to him; like peaches dipped in honey. Your perfect (to him at least) curves. You're slightly thick at the hips and this is one of his favorite things to eyeball when you are not looking.

" baby making hips" he often thinks to himself and the thought causes a nearly incapacitating shudder to course through him. Though it's alarming, he does enjoy the sensation and wishes he could act on it. These situations are not his area of expertise. It worries him that you may figure out he's a virgin and it fills him with embarrassment. You'd laugh, he's sure of it. And let's face it. Despite your sometimes flirtatious behavior towards him, he honestly doesn't think you would ever have any interest in doing THAT with HIM.

Further making things difficult, is the fact that you're his therapist. Yep. Therapist. Lose your shit on one cadet and this is what you're forced to endure. Not that he's complaining much anymore, spending time with the Doc is worth it...

"Levi. Levi! Are you with me, handsome? "

"Hu?"

"Honestly, try to stay focused. We were talking about your progress.....?"

"I was paying attention Y/N, I was just trying to decide how to start is all." Blushing at the lie, he turns his head quickly away. What he's really been thinking about is how you two first met.....


	2. Court Ordered Bullshit

Then:

"This is fucking bullshit, Erwin!" Levi storms out the doors leading to the steps outside the capitol. Absolutely furious, he takes the steps two at a time, wanting to get as much distance between himself and this place as possible.

"Levi, slow down! Honestly." Catching up to the man, Erwin places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You put a kid in the infirmary. His parents reported it to the MP's, it's as simple as that. You should not have done what you did."

He's still mad, but beginning to calm down by the barest of margins.

"Erwin, I don't know why I did what I did. At all. You know me. I'm blunt, I'm rude and a bit of a dick but one thing I do not do is beat the shit out of my soldiers."

"No. You don't, and though people seem to have this perception of you and quite frankly blow it out of proportion to suit their needs, I've never seen evidence of this myself. You are a good leader." He gives his shoulder a quick squeeze before letting go, and then sighing, sits on the steps. "Where is that damn carriage?"

"Do I really have to do this?" Levi sits next to him and looks out at the bustle around him, not really expecting an answer.

"I'm afraid so. And who knows, maybe this Psychologist can help you out with other aspects you could work on."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Erwin laughs. "Only that, considering the shit we scouts see, and what we've been through, we could all benefit from a psych eval I'm guessing." (Especially you, Erwin thinks. Especially considering the awful childhood you had...)

"What is this psychology shit, anyway?" He asks with a bit of disgust.

"My understanding is this is a relatively new field. The doctor will ascertain whether you have any mental, behavioral or emotional disorders and then construct a therapy plan to help you resolve said conflicts."

"What a crock of shit! How the hell are they going to figure that shit out?"

"You're going to have to talk."

"To a fucking stranger? No!"

"Levi, yes. Court ordered psych eval. The capitol is taking this new field very seriously. You should, too. The other option is to go back to being a civilian. You know what they said. They meant it." He stands up. "Our carriage is here."


	3. Opening Up

They arrive at their destination ten minutes later. He's sitting in the back of the carriage feeling suddenly nervous and unsure. Reaching for the handle, he starts to open the door only to pull back a moment later.

"Want me to come with you?" Erwin asks with some concern.

He sighs and looks at the man before grabbing the handle once again.

"Got this." He opens the door and jumps out.

"Be nice!" Erwin calls, as the carriage leaves.

Levi rolls his eyes and heads up the walk. It's a well maintained house, nothing spectacular but typical of every other home here in the Orvud District. Two stories, wood and stone. A small garden is off to the side, nestled between this house and the next and rose bushes decorate the front of the house. Not much room to do a lot, since most of the district has been stripped of natural beauty over the years to make way for more houses, walkways and roads. It's kind of depressing, really and this is why Levi finds himself stopping for a moment to admire the colors. Everything is so uniform and dull. The roses are a welcome distraction, and make him feel a tiny bit happier than he started out. That's still not saying much though, and with a sigh he lets go of the bloom he had been holding and steps up to the front door.

He's surprised a moment later by the friendly gaze of the woman at the door. He doesn't know exactly what he was expecting to see anyways. A rotund bearded man with spectacles and smoking a pipe, maybe? Instead he finds you.....

"Did we have an appointment?"

"I'm Captain Levi, I was supposed to come by?"

You step back allowing him entrance, and he follows you hesitantly into the living room. Clean, organized. He breathes a sigh of relief. You thumb through the large book on the coffee table, and then give him a questioning look.

" I didn't have you schedule until tomorrow. 8pm. Did they not tell you?"

He sighs. "They probably did."

"Let me guess. You were too pissed off to really care what was being said. In one ear, out the other?"

He opens his mouth to reply, only to close it a moment later. You're not wrong, and instead of irritating him your astuteness kind of makes him smile on the inside.

You nod in confirmation.

"I have yet to even make it through that big old file of yours, I-" You sigh and turn away from him. "One moment please."

"Isaiah, no thank you!"

He watches as you dash over to the fireplace. There's a little boy that he did not notice. He walks over to better observe the exchange between the two of you.

"This, please." Your hands move quickly along with your words, then hand him a toy. The boys hands move in response.

"Isaiah, candles are not toys. This, please."

He takes the toy from you, and your hands move again. "Thank you, Isaiah good choice."

"What are you doing?" Levi asks, genuinely curious.

Giving Isaiah a fond look, you stand and turn to him. "Isaiah is deaf. The hand signals are how we communicate."

"But if he's deaf, why do you speak when you use your hand signals?"

"For mine and anyone else who may be in the room's benefit. He has behaviors that brought him to me as a patient, and we've been working together for about six months now."

"That's actually pretty interesting. I-" His words are interrupted when the little boy in question catches a glimpse of the man. He has his arms wrapped around Levi's waist in an instant, and the look of utter horror on the man's face causes you to burst into laughter.

"Isaiah, no thank you!" You quickly sign to the boy again and he backs away, gazing up adoringly. He signs rapidly, smiling up at the Captain.

"What is he saying?"

"Isaiah, try again." He signs slower this time and you repeat back his words to Levi.

"He said, I love the scouts and I wanna be just like you when I'm all grown up."

"uuh...thanks?" He looks to you confused, and you show him how to sign the word, which he promptly relays to the happy boy.

Isaiah's hands fly rapidly once again, and you relay his message, trying to stifle your laughter.

"He says, you're Captain Levi! You're my absolute favorite! I saw you on your horse once, but you were far away! How come you're so short? How do you get on your horse? Do you use a stool?" You can't contain your laughter, and you give in to it wholeheartedly. Levi just scoffs uncomfortably, and rolls his eyes.

"Thanks I guess...."

This time you relay the message yourself and signal to the boy to get ready to leave. His parents will be here any minute. Only a couple moments later, and his parents arrive. Levi, momentarily forgotten during the conversation picks up the toys on the floor out of habit.

"I can do that, thanks." You say, moving to take over. He doesn't acknowledge you, and continues placing the toys neatly on the shelf.

"Is this the only brat I'll have to tolerate when I'm here?"

"Isaiah is not a brat. He's a very special boy, with very special needs."

He turns to look at her. "He'll never be a scout, you know that right?"

You sigh. "Is telling him that going to make things any better for him?"

He doesn't have an answer, and looks away uncomfortably.

"Levi, behaviors are just as much learned things, as they are environmental reactions. What in Isaiah's manners caused you to call him a brat?"

"It's what I call the cadets, I don't really mean anything by it." He shrugs, feeling even more uncomfortable. "I'm not on your chopping block until tomorrow. Are you trying to analyze me already?"

You only laugh, and push him amicably towards the door. "Go home, Levi. See you tomorrow night."

"Fine. Tomorrow night, Doctor L/N."

"Just Y/N is fine." She says, and the door closes behind him.

'This is going to be so pointless.' he thinks, 'Just blathering on about my feelings? Seriously? Give me a break.' He's annoyed with the whole experience, and mostly with the sneaking suspicion that this woman has probably already seen through all his defenses. He's surprised as well, by the fact that he feels he could actually enjoy her company. As stupid as that sounds to think it, the feeling is there and despite his misgivings a small part of him is looking forward to tomorrow.


	4. The First Session

"Good to see your on time." It's 8pm on the dot, and you're opening the door to a very irritated Levi. He pushes past you and walks in muttering.

"Tch, greetings and I still think this is ridiculous Y/N." He stops when he enters the living room and turns to look at you.

"So what exactly are we doing here?"

"What we're doing here Levi, is to assess your emotional state and the impact it has on your job. I will be looking at you from various angles; your past and whatever else I deem necessary just to give you the short list that I'm fairly certain was explained to you in court."

"So basically you're here to annoy the ever loving shit out of me?"

"I'm afraid so"

"Tch."

"Tch, yourself. Your childhood is not in your files tell me about it."

He starts speaking, but in exasperation you put your pen down, not bothering to write any of it down.

"Mom died when I was 4. Spent three days with her corpse. Got taken in by a guy named Kenny. He abandoned me. Aren't you going to write that down?" He asks sarcastically.

"Wow that has got to be the most pathetic answer I've ever gotten." you say, "tell me about your mom what you can remember." "She was prostitute. She was kind and loving. End of story" Agitation is showing on his face and his fingers are digging into the arms of the chair in which he's sitting. With a grin, you get up and move over to where he's sitting. You sit on the arm of the chair, and he looks at you in irritation. 

"Levi, how long do you want me up your ass? Because the longer you half ass play along, the longer I'm going to be unfortunately attached to your miserable hip." He looks at you in shock. He's not used to being spoken to in that way. 

Sighing, he looks away. "We lived in filth and poverty, renting a room at the brothel in which she worked. But she did her best for me, and tried to shield me from it all as best she could."

"How did that make you feel then, and how does it make you feel now?" "I was always happy when she was feeling well, and when there weren't any male suitors in the room. Then I just felt afraid and scared for her. I was never really sure if they were hurting her or not. Now, I just feel like life handed me a giant shit sandwich and forced me to eat it."

"Tell me about Kenny."

"He's a vile and dangerous man, but he taught me what I needed to survive. Honestly, he kept a lot of who he was a mystery."

"Why did he leave?"

"Don't know. Sick of caring for a miserable brat? I had gotten into a fight with another kid and won. I looked for him, thinking he would approve. All I saw was his back, walking away. That's the last time I saw him."

"And?"

He sighs in resignation. " I always hated the man. Still do and I especially hated having to rely on him for so long." You continue to write on your pad of paper.

"What are you writing, exactly?" 

"Everything you told me. Whether you believe it or not all of it is important in some way. The most tellin statement I heard was approval. You were 'looking for approval'. Why?"

"Can I please go now?" He's getting angry again.

"I'm afraid not. Can you tell me what your end of the day routine is like?"

Momentarily surprised by the subject change, he relaxes in his chair. Grabbing a coin out of his pocket, he starts rolling it dexterously across his knuckles; making it dance and pop up into the air before catching it and repeating the cycle.

"You're very good at that." You say, watching closely. He just shrugs, continuing his little routine.

"It calms me down."

"Is it the act itself? Or the repetition of pattern?"

He looks at you questioningly.

"I notice you manipulate the coin in a repetitive fashion. It doesn't deviate."

Sighing, he puts the coin in his pocket. "I don't know. Maybe both."

"Fair enough, and also a very good de-escalating tool. Try implementing it more."

You're both silent for a few more minutes, and he's about to ask to leave again when you speak.

"Your end of the day routine?" You prompt.

"I don't really have one."

"It's painfully obvious you don't want to be here, so-"

"That's not true! I want to be here, I just think it's ridiculous."

"Well this ridiculousness is the sole reason you're here, in the exact place you just claimed you want to be in the first place."

He opens his mouth, then closes it again only to once again open it, only for nothing to come out. He must look like a landed fish, he thinks.

"Alright, your hour is up so-"

"Wait. Only an hour? Can't we talk longer?"

Oh, but Levi I thought this was all ridiculous...."

You smile at his reddening face, and it only makes him redder. 'The hook drops in the water, worm dangling enticingly, the Levi-fish bites'. He thinks. 'Fuck, I feel like I'm laid bare

(Naked)

here and there's nothing I can do about it.'

"I just mean I feel like we did a lot of talking, but didn't resolve anything."

"things are not going to resolve themselves that quickly. Not things of this magnitude anyway. Look. I realize my line of questioning was strange, and we didn't touch on any one topic heavily. All I was trying to do was fill some narrative holes. Believe me, if you think I was an annoying asshole tonight, wait until next time."

"I don't think you're an asshole..." His face is flaming up again.

"Ah! But you do think I'm annoying! Nice. I only need one more thing from you before you go."

"Uuuugh, fuck. What now? My potty schedule?"

"You know what Levi? Sure. That would be great. The way you act, I'm guessing you haven't shit in years." Your sarcasm actually causes the man to snort laughter, and you smile.

"How do you want to complete your 180 hours? One hour a day? Two? Once a week? You tell me."

"How about once a year?" He asks with a grin.

"But you just got done saying in no uncertain terms that you didn't feel one hour was enough."

"Fine. Two hours, three days a week. See how badly I want to be with you?"

Your eyebrow raises at this statement, but you say nothing. You don't have to. He's doing a fine job embarrassing himself. No need to add to it.

'Why the fuck did I say it like that? That's not what I meant at all!' Feeling uncomfortable, he stands and prepares to leave. You follow him to the door and place your hand on his shoulder. He pulls away, with only a barely discernible clenching of his jaw.

"You didn't do too badly today. It's not easy to talk to a stranger, I get that."

"You don't feel like one." He says, and turns to walk away.


	5. Doctor's Notes: Diagnosis One, Avoidant Dismissive Behavior Type

Diagnosis 1. Avoidant Dismissive Behavior Type

Avoidant individuals, such as Levi learn to suppress physical responses related to distress. It doesn't indicate that he has no ability to feel as others do, however it seems he has trouble developing solutions when overwhelmed with the same. This results in over regulation of his ability to seem as if he is not affected and subsequently emotionally paralyzed

Indicators include, but are not limited to: aversion to physical contact; an impersonal relational style; and devoid surface emotion, which can appear as depression or apathy. I get the impression that Levi does not remember his childhood, and this is common with avoidant dismissives **see file notes and personal dialogue patient: Ackerman, Levi

A person like Levi, with this pattern typically did not get their needs met as a child by either a parent or foster and then learned to live as if they had neither. Some people develop a sense of self that they are flawed, helpless, and dependent yet they are isolated from others. ***Mother, deceased at young age. Father, not involved. Kenny, relationship unknown. 3 cases of abandonment in early developing years.

He seems rejecting of others, very controlling, and punishing of the self as a way of distancing from closeness. ***file notes, personal dialogue

We learn to connect through the people that raise us. Levi was essentially raised by Kenny **relationship if any, unknown. The death of his mother, will have a varying impact on his attachment style depending on their interpersonal relationship style. Even if his mother loved him and showed affection, her death was early enough in his growth to call Kenny the "emotional provider" by default. In order to survive, Levi had to become reliant on someone who was not particularly emotionally invested in his welfare. To have lived his earliest years with childhood neglect is no small feat. As a part of this shaping process Levi's adult personality is calm, detached, and viewed by others as cold. On the outside he is dismissive of others and has very little social interaction outside of the mission. You do not force it. This is Levi in a nutshell. He appears to have no desire for intimacy, or even friendship really **behavior and therapy setting conversations seem to indicate otherwise, and will get upset when he catches himself saying anything indicative of a need or desire for intimacy** and is another indicator of his diagnosis, so when he does try to display camaraderie, it is indeed a huge step for him. On the flipside, once the current need is met, he tends to push away. **The loss of his only two friends Isabel and Farlan will be explored in depth** I further believe that a fear of abandonment plays heavily into his attachment type. Another facet of Levi's personality indicative of his attachment type is his extreme devotion to work, with little to no leisure activities.

Based on initial assessment, recommended therapy:

1\. Talk Therapy

2\. Example based teachable moments

(Blanket analogy should be amusing)

*** never before the incident in training, has Levi been reported, or witnessed to be physically abusive to his comrades. His cadets think highly of him, and with the exception of Eren Yeager incident, which is represented in his file he's mostly described as distant. As of this writing I do not have any concerns regarding physical violence, and will address the situation from his POV to determine reasoning for isolated outburst. Completed Hours: 50/180

Next Therapy Session: 8-10pm, Tues

Dr. Y/N, L/N


	6. Blanket Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blanket Therapy is a rather unorthodox idea I came up with to take Levi out of his comfort zone. It's what I do. Quite frankly, so is Y/N (unorthodox). The lesson she gives him after she relinquishes the blanket to him is my own perspective based on that one inanimate object. Hope you enjoy!

Now: 

He's late. Really late, and she's going to be pissed. He got caught up in his paperwork, and the time slipped right by. He remembered to bring it with him though, although why he would need his paperwork for a therapy session is beyond him. He's comfortable in her reasons, whatever they are. He's put in a lot of hours of therapy thus far, and despite his misgivings he has to admit it's been interesting. Unorthodox, and extremely uncomfortable on occasions but effective. Like the blanket therapy... It was when they first started addressing his avoidant dismissive behavior patterns. He thought it was all utter hogwash at first, but the more she explained and the more he listened he couldn't help but see for himself. He chuckles at the memory and continues on his way...

Then: 

"Do you trust me, Levi?"

He looks up curiously. "For the most part, yes..."

"I'd like to do an experiment, that will hopefully help you gain an understanding of everything we've been talking about."

"What if I say no?"

"If you want to be difficult, so can I."

"Try me."

You sigh, and grabbing out your notebook you begin to write while speaking the words out loud for his benefit.

"After continuing observation, it is my professional opinion that one Levi Ackerman would benefit from an additional 100 hours of therapy-"

"Wait! Wait! What are you doing?"

"Giving a valid recommendation based on your failure to garner anything from our sessions."

"I do too garner things!"

"Like what?"

"Like you're a huge pain in the ass, Y/N."

"So are you, Levi. Peas in a pod."

"Okay, so what are we doing then?"

"Let's go upstairs."

He looks at you in shock. "But your bedroom is up there!"

"It certainly is, sharp stuff. Come on, time's a wastin." With that you head upstairs with a reluctant Levi following. Entering the room, he looks around in curiosity.

'Must be nice to have a bed this comfortable looking. Much better than those straw stuffed affairs we have at the barracks' It has one of those fancy curtain things on it too, for privacy.

"Go lie down."

"What?"

"Go lie down on the bed, Levi."

Giving you a cautious look, he slips off his shoes and lies down.

"Dare I ask what's next?"

"Just close your eyes and relax."

With a sigh of annoyance, he does as you ask. You sit at your desk working, and the silence and the comfort of the bed start to lull him to sleep. That is, until you crawl in next to him. Not just next to him either, oh of course not. Your head is on his chest.

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

"What?" You ask innocently. "It is my bed after all, and I'm tired. Is there a problem?"

"You're pretty that's what!"

'oh fuck, did I really just say that?'

You snort laughter. "Hardly, but would it be easier for you if I wasn't?"

"No! And I didn't realize it would be 'that' kind of experiment!"

"It's not. But honestly Levi, what could little ole me really do against humanities strongest?" You ask teasingly. "Now stop being a boob and relax." With that, you close your eyes.

"Boob, Y/N? Boob?"

"Yep."

It's not near as easy for him to relax as it is you, though. He honestly feels like he might be having a stroke right this moment. How shameful for the cause of death line on his death certificate to read "pretty woman".

'why do I put up with this?' He thinks with a smirk. Eventually he does relax, and his eyes slowly begin to close once again. Now you're getting up and going to the other side of the room.

"Why did you leave?"

"I don't understand, you didn't want me there in the first place, right?"

"Fine. But I'm cold now, where the hell is your blanket?"

"But you didn't need the blanket when I was there..."

"No, you kept me warm."

Getting up, you go over to the chest at the foot of the bed. Grabbing the blanket, you toss it to him.

"Being controlling, having control is a symptom of avoidant dismissiveness. You opted for the blanket, when you could have asked me to come back to you."

"Well, are you going to tell me why, wise one?" He says, propping himself on his elbow and looking at you with interest.

"You can control the blanket. Too hot? Take it off. To cold? Cover up. You can, to an extent control the situation with another person too. You can push away, or pull the person to you. The difference is, you have no control over whether that person decides to stay or go. Opting for the inanimate comfort is much easier than risking the chance of rejection, isn't it?"

'huh....'

"What if I want both?"

"Again, you still only have limited control over how that plays out, and limited is not good enough for the avoidant dismissive. Session over, see you next week."

"You don't want to cuddle with me anymore?" He says it jokingly, but also alarmed at the realization that he's also kinda serious.

"You're handsome Levi, but I'm going to have to respectfully decline. Doctor/patient relationship and all that."

"Y/N?" He stops at the door, giving you an earnest look. "What if all I really want deep down is to throw out the blanket?"

"Trust is a scary thing, Levi. It can make or break you. Admitting that is a huge step, and it's better to feel something, than nothing. Throw it out."

'It's not that easy' he thinks, walking home. 'but I want to. I always have'.


	7. Doctor's Notes: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hours completed are always found in the Doctor's Notes to give you an idea of how much time has passed narration wise.

Diagnosis Two: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

Symptoms: antagonism, perfectionism, rigidity, and orderliness. Interpersonally, stiff, controlling, workaholism, and stubbornness. Many of his behaviors are motivated by a fear of loss of control. The central underlying affect and/or emotional experience with OCPD is anxiety. His pattern of behavior functions to manage his excessive anxiety. His avoidant dismissive control style also assists in keeping his anxiety out of sight to the casual observer. It has been noted on several occasions by this therapist an excessive amount of fist clenching, pacing and repetitive pattern calming rituals. However, his OCPD is high functioning enough where it does not itself affect his ability to perform his duties.

OCPD types want to control their environments. An easy way to accomplish this is in a task that you have complete control over. As a leader, a fighter and a cleaner OCPD fits his personality. Rather than feel anxious about his compulsions about cleanliness, as a typical OCD personality would; OCPD types see their behaviors and thoughts as being okay. I feel a lot of his OCPD stems from the filth and darkness he was forced to grow up in. Everything must be clean and orderly. Although he does not display ritualistic patterns of OCD, he does display the need for control and order of an OCPD type. An example of the difference between the two is ritual. An OCD person may for example, have a very particular hand washing ritual, where everything is performed systematically and exactly the same every time. They might use counting as a way to ensure it is done correctly. If the ritual is deviated from, the OCD individual absolutely must restart their ritual as anxiety is likely to occur. Levi shows none of these behaviors as typical of OCPD, and has a better handle on situations where deviation from ritual is unavoidable. A good example is Isaiah, a 7-yr old patient whom Levi has come into contact with on multiple occasions. Though uncomfortable, Levi displayed none of the typical behaviors as an OCD type would when Isaiah hugged him at their first meeting. Fear of getting dirty seemed not to trouble him enough to feel the need to excuse himself and clean per ritual. Further to note, Levi has developed a strong bond with the child since beginning therapy. Isaiah never takes off the scouting cloak Levi gave him. He has taken the child under his wing, and taught him hand to hand to defend himself against the bullies that live in his neighborhood. He has also learned sign language to better communicate with the child. For Levi, in all aspects of his personality this is a huge step and beautiful progress.

Completed Hours: 70/180

Dr. Y/N, L/N


	8. The Patient Gets Bold

"You have chocolate on your nose."

"Only cuz you put it there, Y/N. Brat."

"Well, aren't you going to clean it up?"

"I should make you lick it off." He says, leaning closer.

You laugh. "That would be grosser still, because then you also would have my germs all over you, right?"

"You know, here I thought we were ditching the therapy tonight and just enjoying this nice night. So let me guess. My crazy cleaning habits?"

"Nothing wrong with that. Pushing your habits on others to exert control over the environment however...."

He rolls his eyes at this. Does she expect him to live comfortably amongst pigs?

"We should get Isaiah home. He's passed out cold." He says, brushing his hand fondly through the boys hair.

He is indeed. The little boy is sound asleep on the picnic blanket in her backyard. It was a nice night. They had a light meal and practiced hand to hand, with Y/N cheering little Isaiah on. He's coming along well, and despite his deafness catches on to Levi's teachings quite well. It's interesting to note, how although Levi lets the boy take him down, he does not take getting dirty well at all. He doesn't show it to Isaiah, but you see it. The slight downturn of the mouth, the sudden tenseness...but you see it. Levi taps his shoulder, then signs quickly to the boy as he opens his eyes. Picking the boy up, he starts heading for the walk.

"Coming?"

"Shouldn't we clean all this up first?" You ask.

"It can wait."

But yet he seems okay with leaving a mess in the backyard?

"What about the chocolate on your nose?"

He grins. "I'm waiting Y/N...."

It's your turn to roll your eyes, and reaching out with a handkerchief give him a quick clean up.

"All better."

"That wasn't at all what I was hoping would happen." He teases.

"Quit dawdling and lets get Isaiah home." On the way back, he tries to hold your hand, but gives up when you move away, a slight look of disappointment on his face.

15 minutes later:

"You don't have to help me with that, I can take care of it. Go home, get some rest."

"Nonsense. I helped make the mess, and I don't mind doing dishes anyway." He says reaching for the rag hanging next to the sink.

"Fine, why am I not surprised?"

It doesn't take long for the two of you to clean everything up and he turns to you curiously.

"So what's next?"

"What do you mean what's next?"

"We've still got a half hour left doc, so what's it going to be?" he grins suddenly "blanket therapy?", and dashes up the stairs to your room.

"Levi! Get out of my room! Come back here!" You chase him up the stairs to find him already sitting on your bed with a big grin on his face.

"You are such a pain Levi." He pats the spot next to him inviting you to sit, but you don't. Again, that disappointed look.

"Admit it doc, you enjoy it and as a matter of fact..."

His words cut off as he's gazing at the floor.

"What's the matter Levi?", you say with a grin.

"There's dirty clothes on the floor!"

"There certainly is Levi, what's the problem?"

"You have a basket for your clothes right over there!" He points accusingly into the corner.

"That is correct I do." You respond calmly.

"Why didn't you take the mere several steps to throw them in your basket?"

"I was tired and I didn't feel like it. I can pick it up anytime I want."

"But you don't leave dirty clothes on your floor!"

"I don't leave dirty clothes on the floor Levi? Why not?"

He grins then, catching on.

"I was up here the other night and everything was perfectly immaculate and now your room is messy. Did you just clean for my benefit that one time?"

"Or did I leave a mess on my floor because I was counting on you being a shit and coming up here and seeing it? Also for your benefit, I might add."

He doesn't respond just sits and looks at you for the moment.

"Just because someone doesn't do things the same way you do does not mean that they are doing it incorrectly. Your Cadets can clean a floor just as well as you do whether they're wringing out their rags sideways or upright. How does that even make a difference? As long as it gets clean, why should the steps of how it got there matter? Either way the results are the same."

You stoop down then grabbing up your clothes and walk over to put them in the basket. He breathes a sigh of relief. You come back then and sit beside him, giving him an encouraging look. From the anxiety on his face, it's clear he has something on his mind.

"Things were always so filthy down there, Y/N."

"And things can get filthy up here too, but you are not that child anymore, and these defenses you put up to protect him really don't serve you anymore. You did an incredible job cleaning up your life, at least that's what I think."

"Yeah?" he asks looking at you hopefully.

"Yes it may have taken a lot of time, but you did it and not many people have the mental fortitude to do that. Most of the defenses you put up psychologically are to defend a child... a child that doesn't even exist anymore. You already saved him. Let it go."

He sits quietly looking at your calm face for a moment, then swoops in to kiss you. It surprises you both, but ultimately it's him that pulls away.

"I shouldn't have done that Y/N, I'm sorry." Getting up quickly before you can respond, he heads down the stairs and then you hear the sound of the front door shutting behind him.

Note to self: Monitor Levi's behavior closely. Acting very out of character. What he did before he left.....

Growth in confidence and willingness to brave rejection are huge steps for this man, but if he's developing feelings for his Therapist, I feel this could make things worse for him. It's also interesting to note that he does better at engaging in intimacy if he makes it out to be some big joke first. I think I know where our next line of therapy should go, but would like to get into his inability to sleep as well.


	9. Doctor's Notes: An argument against PTSD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I used to be on the PTSD bandwagon, but after thinking about it I decided he fits childhood trauma more. I hope that I explain my reasonings well enough. Any anxiety that's been noted is due to environmental factors that can be traced back to his two previous diagnosis. Both were cultivated in childhood. I've never seen him in the Underground in the series, have you? Ever wonder why?  
> PTSD however, if he has it, it's mild as even with the death of his friends and squad he still performs in the same scenarios admirably. No sign of panic, doesn't shut down.

Third Diagnosis: Childhood Trauma Vs. PTSD/Sleep related disorders

There are a number of different ways in which Levi's symptoms manifest. Having initially assessed PTSD, I'm now sure that if he does manifest PTSD behavior, it is a mild case indeed. ***People suffering from an intense case of PTSD shut down and can't function in situations that mirror the original trauma.*** The deaths of those he was once close to would be a prime emotional environment for PTSD. However, he continues to function admirably as a soldier, with no evidence of doing otherwise. These losses do affect him heavily though and manifest in his dreams. Levi has no routine to establish a set time for rest. He often stays up until his body shuts down on him, and falls asleep at his desk. He seldom uses his bed. That he has childhood trauma, I have no doubt. Unfortunately, there is no clear-cut recipe to follow when diagnosing an adult with immediate signs of trauma, but, some common symptoms of trauma victims have been established. The most common for Levi have been observed as: Anger, lack of energy, night terrors and/or insomnia, sleep disturbances, isolation, numbness and callousness .

I will be treating for childhood trauma specifically, but only touching on PTSD as Levi still performs well in the scenarios that are similar to his adult age losses.

Furthermore, I will be working with Levi to begin a better self care regiment which will focus on how he sleeps.

Hours Completed: 90/180

Dr. Y/N, L/N


	10. Sleep, Rejection and Frustration

Levi is nervous. Oh he's nervous as hell. Y/N is coming to his quarters tonight. She's coming in a professional capacity of course, but still. Maybe he should clean before she gets here. No, for crying out loud he cleaned his quarters twice already and he smells like a cleaning closet. She's commented on this before, so the last thing he wants is to be sitting on his couch with a pretty lady, surrounding her in the sultry scent of cleaning products. Alright, so shower. Drying off quickly, he dashes into his room to get dressed. 10 minutes have passed.

'Fuck Levi, how hard is it to pick a damn shirt??' He finally picks a black one and tossing it on quickly heads back to the bathroom. He got this cedar and rose smelling stuff as a gift from Hanji once, but has never worn it. Will Y/N like it? He finally decides to try it out and splashes a little on. He buttons his shirt, then undoes it again. Then decides to leave the top 4 buttons undone.

'Can't even figure how to dress myself', he thinks. 'She'll be here in 10 minutes. Relax and do some paperwork.'

'Relax? Fuck I've never felt less like relaxing in my life!'

10:00 arrives and you enter his quarters to find him behind his desk working.

"Aren't you going to get ready for bed?" You ask.

"What with you here?" Outwardly he's calm, but inside he's in full panic. Being completely in the dark regarding why you chose to do therapy here is one thing, now you're asking him to get undressed? He just spent all this time trying to look nice for you!

"Yes with me here."

"I've got too much work to do." Blushing furiously, he looks back down and continues to write.

"Levi what do you do before you go to bed?"

"I work." He says with a shrug.

"Do you actually lay down in your bed?" "No, I fall asleep in my chair."

"How much sleep do you get a night?" "Maybe 2 hours?" Heck, he's not even all that sure himself.

"Maybe if you didn't drink all that black tea."

"It keeps me awake." He says defensively, finishing off another cup.

"At this time of night, that's the last thing you need!" You start to head for the kitchen, and Levi jumps up quickly; heading you off at the pass.

"You're not taking my tea!"

"Levi-" You try to explain, but he grabs your arms hard enough to hurt and yells in your face.

"Back off!" In the ensuing silence he does not take his blazing eyes off you as his fingers dig painfully into your flesh. It's like he's looking right through you.

You know it's not the best way to handle this, especially considering the behavior changes he's been having around you, but you press yourself against him, letting him feel your presence. Letting your cheek rest against his, you whisper to him.

"You're hurting me."

The effect is instantaneous. His arms are around you so tightly, your back makes a small pop noise.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles, face buried in your hair. You pull back as far as he'll allow, he's still got that death grip around your waist.

"I brought you some chamomile tea to try instead." You explain, and his eyes widen in horror.

"Is that all this was?"

You nod, not bothering to answer him. He lets go then, and storms to the couch; putting his face in his hands.

"There's valerian in it too, I'll go make some."

He just nods, not looking up from his hands. A few minutes later, you return to the couch and handing him his tea, sit beside him. He jumps when you place your hand on his knee, but relaxes as he takes a drink of the tea.

"This is good."

"I don't know how well it will help tonight, given all the black tea you consumed."

He turns to you with a pained look.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry about that. I don't know why I flew off the handle like that."

"I know." Again, against better judgement you put your arm around him and rest your head on his shoulder. He returns the gesture, his chin on your head. "We could talk about it right now if you want to, but I feel it will go better after you've had time to think on it."

"I don't want to think about it. I hurt you, why would I want to think about that?"

"Because you were agitated enough to lash out, and that's why I am here. Now, let me ask you a question."

You can feel him nodding, so you continue.

"Is sleep a non-event for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Most people might get a drink of water, brush their teeth, or change into sleeping wear before laying down. This is a routine that establishes the Sleep Cycle in the patterns for which you perform it."

"No I do not have a routine other than I work."

"What are your dreams like?"

"Full of death and blood and pain. Nothing I like to revisit."

"Well, revisiting it is something that you are going to do."

"You're a pain in my ass, Y/N."

"Yeah and you're a pain in mine. You need to learn how to relax and establish a set time for when you will sleep."

He rolls his eyes, sits up and gives you a doubtful look.

"Levi, you sit up all night doing paperwork to avoid closing your eyes because you're afraid of what you're going to see."

"I'm not afraid."

"Yes you are. Deep down, you are and that's okay. So you are going to relax if it kills me."

"Tell me what you dreamed about last night."

"Oh crap. Death, blood, watching my comrades die over and over."

"Do you feel guilty that you're still alive?" 

'How can she know that??' he thinks, eyes widening in alarm.

"I can see by the look on your face I'm correct. Grief is one thing Levi, punishment for deaths that don't belong to you is something you need to let go of."

"They followed my orders."

"Levi, they knew the risks when they signed up. This is not your burden. Remember them yes, but let it go. You don't deserve to carry that, and you've done it for long enough." He sits lost in thought. He snuggles in closer to you, and you think maybe you should put a stop to this. You stand up, and walk over to get him another cup of tea.

"Get ready for bed, please."

"Where are you going to sleep?" He asks, with a lift of his brow.

You sigh in exasperation, sweeping your arm out to indicate the couch on which he's sitting. "Right here, Levi. That way I'm here if you need, and I can observe what and when I need."

"Wouldn't you be able to do that better if you joined me? Big comfy bed and all..."

"How the fuck would you know Levi, you don't even sleep in it!"

"Let's find out together..."

"Is my face blue? It sure feels blue! For fuck sake Levi knock it off. Why do you have to make this into a joke?" You get up to leave. "Where are you going?"

"To bed, you can suffer alone. Tonight I need a mental health break from YOU!" You slam the door on your way out. Angry, Levi sits behind his desk and defiantly works. 

'I'm going to do paperwork all fucking night Y/N, screw you and your relaxation bullshit.' Despite his bitching, he finds himself nodding off right on cue. Damn it! Defeated he drags his ass to bed.


	11. Doctor's Notes: Sexual Frustration and Intimacy Issues

Sexual Frustration and Intimacy Issues

It has come to my attention that Levi is a virgin. There's nothing wrong with this, it's commendable as a matter of fact. I touch on this now, only because of the symptoms of sexual frustration, which include but are not limited to:

**Being aggressive, hostile, or cold toward others, especially towards those for whom you feel sexual desire. Intense and unsatisfied desire or craving for sexual activity. Feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, or depression related to your sexuality. Disruption of sleep patterns.**

A lot of this sounds rather familiar considering whom I am currently providing services to. Though I wouldn't broach this topic with him, I do want to touch on intimacy issues in general. It's clear the man has them. Almost 40 yrs old and has never had an intimate relationship? Ever? Plus, tie in the diagnosis as it stands now?

We're almost done here, and whether he wants to continue therapy after the court order is entirely up to him. He is doing splendidly, incident in his quarters not withstanding, and his sleep has improved. He does still have issues maintaining social boundaries with his therapist however, and I feel this might be the most difficult subject for him because of this.

Therapy completed: 120/180

Y/N L/N


	12. The Problem with Connecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N slips a little in maintaining her own boundaries and gets a bit carried away in her therapy lesson.

"Why is intimacy so difficult for you?" 

His face turns beet red. "I don't know why I can't be intimate."

"Have you ever tried being intimate with yourself?"

"Don't ask that!" His face reddens further. "It's a valid question, please answer."

"Yes, and I barely touch myself and makes me gag."

"Why do you think that is?"

He rolls his eyes, and gets up from his chair; pacing the room. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Well we're talking about it. Why?"

"Because it's dirty. It's gross."

"We're back to childhood experience again. Do you realize how everything we've talked about together comes back to this?"

"What do you expect? I saw what they did to her. I saw the pass of money between their hands." His face clouds over, unreadable.

"Do you equate the whole idea of physical intimacy with personal gain then?"

"Both parties are getting what they want out of it aren't they?"

"In the cases that matter, both parties are also giving everything they want as well."

"Yeah, it's the risk of finding the one sided situation to be all you ever have that's the problem."

"It's not all like that and your situation and early experiences are not the norm."

"Whatever. I've pretty much trained myself to deny that stuff because it's pointless. I don't have time for it even if I did. I don't think I have the emotional capacity for it."

"The fact that you can acknowledge this tells me that you really DO have the emotional capacity. Fear is what drives you away."

"Other people get to have this, not me."

"But that's not true Levi, and the fact that you said it like that tells me a lot. You're clinging to crap that doesn't work. It's making you miserable. Stop pushing away from people just because you are afraid of rejection."

"I'm not afraid of rejection!"

"Bullshit Levi, that's exactly what is wrong, and that is only one part of your problem."

He returns to the couch to sit beside you.

"Okay, yeah. Maybe I am afraid of intimacy and rejection. So what? Intimacy is gross and disgusting. Plus, I've been abandoned enough. Why should I actively seek that out?"

"But yet you continuously try to seek it out with me? Your therapist? It's disgusting based on your experience in childhood and seeing that is your only experience, it's erroneous."

"Tch, this is bullshit. No one NEEDS this." 

"Everyone needs intimacy Levi, in fact studies have shown the impact of intimacy on our sleeping habits and our general wellbeing and mood."

"Oh right, I'm a cranky, tired asshole because I need to get laid?"

You laugh. "Yes! Exactly! But it's not just that. Everybody needs to feel needed, and cared for. Everyone deserves to feel loved, and that they have something to offer others. That's intimacy. It's not just sex, Levi."

He rolls his eyes. "Prove it.", he mumbles. 

"Prove it? Oh Levi..." You think about this for a moment. It might be the worse possible idea ever, but if you're going to get your point across....

"Why did you kiss me that one night, Levi?"

He gives a startled little jump, and looks away.

"Levi...."

He turns to you finally, conflicted and afraid. "Doesn't matter why I did it. You're my therapist, as you seem to enjoy reminding me. We can forget that stupidity happened, right?"

"Remember when I came to your quarters? Why did you feel the need to get all dressed up for me?"

"I didn't-"

"Cut the shit, Levi. It was so obvious, not to mention you've never worn cologne before then. And things didn't quite go as you were hoping they would, did they? So?" You wait out his silence, determined to get an answer. Ages pass before he finally speaks.

"Because this is what I want. You're what I want. Again, it doesn't fucking matter." He gets up then, and heads for the door. You stop him, and grabbing his arm you turn him to face you. Before he can react, your lips are on his. You let him feel your tongue caress softly against his for a moment before you disengage. The ache in his eyes is almost painful as he leans in, wanting to continue the kiss. You put your hand up to stop it.

"That is so unfair, Y/N."

"Why, because I didn't afford you the opportunity to put your defenses up? You asked for proof, there it is."

He stares at you for a moment, and then he kisses you. Wrapping his arms around you, he backs you towards the couch and you fall together in a tangled mess of lips, limbs and exploring hands. This is when you realize finally that you want this man as much as he wants you. This is so hard. It shouldn't be happening at all, it-

The weight of his body has left you, and your front door slams behind him.


	13. Doctor's Notes: Final Assessment

Levi's treatment has been completed, and it is this therapists opinion that he be reinstated in both rank and position. Levi now has several coping mechanisms to counter any relapse and I'm confident in his ability to utilize them as situations dictate.

Dr. Y/N

Court appointed therapist

Levi Ackerman

Session time: Complete


	14. Now

Now:

You're lying on the sofa waiting for your last client. Isaiah has just left, and that means only Levi. You're glad. It's been a tiring day, with Isaiah having one behavioral episode after another. It's obvious what's wrong. Levi is done with his therapy, and Isaiah is experiencing some abandonment. You tried to reassure him that his no longer being your client has nothing to do with their relationship, but he just didn't seem to understand. He didn't even want to stay long enough to see the man. You sigh. A trying day, indeed.

He walks in and looks at you with a grin. "Do I get to be the therapist tonight?" He grabs your glasses and your notepad, and sits in your normal chair. Placing your glasses on his face theatrically he begins.

"Fuck Y/N, your eyesight is shit!"

"This is why I don't wear my glasses that often when I'm with you, Levi. The less I see, the better."

"Very funny, asshole. Now, tell me about your childhood." He says, affecting an air of importance. You just laugh.

"Give me my glasses, and the notebook back. Do you want me to sign off on this or not?"

He hands them back to you with a grin......

"Levi. Levi! Are you with me, handsome? "

"Hu?"

"Honestly, try to stay focused. We were talking about your progress.....?"

"I was paying attention Y/N, I was just trying to decide how to start is all."

"Well, do go on then."

He takes a deep breath before he begins, deciding how to start.

"Thank you. For everything you've done and endured. Thank you. Thank you for introducing me to Isaiah, and new ways of thinking. Thank you for helping me take a look at my faults, and finding strengths where I only saw weakness. Every weird off the wall thing you put me through has honestly been a revelation. It's helped a lot."

You smile, and sign off on the paperwork he's to submit to the courts the next day.

"You're a free bird, Levi. Although, please know that you can come back here for help at any time. Don't wait for a court order."

You both stand up, but neither make a move for the door just yet.

He's grinning at you, and from the look trying to find the words to whatever is on his mind.

"So... no more doctor/patient bullshit?"

"Nope. It's done."

He walks closer, grin widening. "So if I wanted to resolve my intimacy issues, I wouldn't be completely out of line?"

You're grinning now too, and as his arms encircle your waist you respond in kind; smiling up at him. "What are you trying to ask me, Levi?"

"I was hoping that maybe you'd be my blanket....."

Your kiss is answer enough.


End file.
